WWW- significant engagement with the texts....clear knowledge and passion for topic
EBI - Written english poor from opening sentence
- research is woefully short: you are 25-30 footnotes away from your target grade
- Vast majority of essay is simply telling the story of certain films- not even textual analysis (shot type, camera movement, editing etc.)
-very little acedemic research, media theory or debate.
-Lack of focus on the question
Bibliography poor: this won't get you out of level 2 books? journals? stuff from BFI? you haven't even got the book i specifically purchased for your essay.
Aim for second draft: A mark 40-43
Improvements for Second draft:
1) Stick to Analysis: by this I mean actually analyzing the shots and editing rather than telling a story and explaining the narrative. I need to use the keywords and be specific in the scenes that I have picked out and then infer/imply the meaning linking to the gender stereotypes.
2) Research - I need to increase the amount of research that needs to be inputted in to my essay, i need to add in at least 20+ footnotes, so that i can at the least get my target grade
3) In order to bring my essay up to an academic essay standard I will need to include in academic research from the BFI, the book sir bought and along with that attempt to include in more media theories and debates.
4) I need to improve the feminist paragraph and add more academic evidence to support the feminism section and strengthen the argument to this i will find more real life examples in which women are standing up for themselves.
5)I need to repeatedly keep the focus on the question by linking it back to the question.
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